Flames Only!
by Kick Ass Kids
Summary: No plot. No pairings. No good. A series of seriously lousy one-shots. I only want flames!
1. They All Died

**A/N: My first ever fanfic. This is a flames only story. I don't want any constructive criticism, compliments, or anything remotely nice. If you want to say something nice, either PM it to me or don't do anything at all. Truth be told, I love flames and I don't see enough on this site. That's why I wrote this. I didn't try to make it good. Although, it probably isn't much better than something I put effort into… also, I'm no longer allowed by my mother to reply to reviews, PMs, and I'm probably not allowed to review, either. So, if you review, or PM me, or I read your story, favorite it, but don't review, don't take it personally. I'm just trying not to get grounded. Again.**

**Disclaimer: Ahem. FANfiction. That answer your question?**

One day, in Titans Tower, Starfire decided to make some Pudding of Pointlessness. She force-fed it to Beast Boy because that's all he's good for. He choked and died. Starfire chucked his body in the furnace. Gasp!

Downstairs, in the garage, Cyborg was fixing his "baby" because that's all he's good for. Then, a giant octopus crashed through the wall and attacked him! It squished him with its giant head, squeezed him with its giant tentacles, and finally ate him with its giant mouth. Once it finished its meal, the octopus escaped through the giant hole it created. Gasp!

Up on the roof, Raven was meditating. Because… that's all she's good for. She finished up and started walking downstairs. She slipped on a strategically placed ping-pong ball and cracked her head open on the stairs. And then, guess what happened! Her powers stopped working and she couldn't heal herself! Her body mysteriously vanished in a haze of smoke. Gasp!

Robin was training. Because. Well, you know, that's all he's good for. Suddenly, his punching bag blew up! It set his highly flammable, gel-covered head on fire. He died. His ashes were picked up and thrown in the ocean. Gasp!

Starfire was skipping along and being her usual, cheerful self. She went to the bathroom to wash off the blood and grime that she was covered in. She was in a VERY good mood. Starfire had just disposed of all of her teammates in very elaborate and creative ways. Because THAT is all she's good for. Gasp!

**THE END**

**There you have it, people. Remember, I don't want advice on this particular story.**

**Let the flames begin!**


	2. Important AN

**Hello, all. Those of you who have reviewed or are going to review, I remind you, PLEASE, FLAMES ONLY! Flames make me giddy. They get my creative/crazy juices flowing. This story is crap, but for those of you with low standards who like it, flame and I should be able to come up with more stories. If you think this is "funny", please say so in a PM. I will read it, appreciate it, but I can't reply.**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	3. WTF?

**A/N: I got bored. Decided to put up another flames only story. Gosh, I need to get a better social life…**

**Disclaimer: I **_**really**_** hate these things. Any guesses as to why?**

**Moving on…**

One day, a very emo girl named Raven/ Rachel/ Irma went to high school. There, she met a very preppy girl named Star/ Kory/ Shelly. They immediately became best friends. Then, they met a little green fellow named Gar/ BB/ Jorge. He took the role of the annoying little brother that everyone was out to get.

Including the government.

At least, that's what he told them.

Paranoid child.

Next, they met the school's star football player. His name was Cy/ Vic/ Larry. He was also a mechanic. And a compooper whiz. And he had a prosthetic leg. But, he was still a football star/ mechanic/ compooper whiz. He taught the youngsters how life worked and became their own lovable, huggable, teddy bear-man.

Yay.

Finally, the four bestest friends in the whole wide world met a dark, broody, gay traffic light. But, it was a STUDLEY dark, broody, gay traffic light. Every girl dreamt of getting into that traffic light's pants. But, traffic lights don't wear pants and this one was gay so none of them could. That made them sad. Anyway, the four friends added the traffic light to their small group of very diverse and insanely popular friends.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Until two weeks later, when Raven/ Rachel/ Irma's father came to the school and blew it up. And everyone died. Which made many, many people cry.

Angst.

**THE END**

**The product of insane boredom. Go figure. I think I'm gonna get a taco now.**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	4. Vomit Monster

**A/N: My sister, V, ****is sick so I have to take care of her. *Sigh* I wanna go to Wendy's. But, for that I would need a car. And a license. And money. Darn. So, I'm stuck here doing this. On the bright side maybe people will hate me more! I love it when people hate me :)**

**Disclaimer: If only in my dreams. Damn. That line doesn't even belong to me.**

**Now, on with the torture!**

"I love you! You love me! We're a happy family!"

Starfire was skipping through the tower joyfully as she sang a wonderful ditty she had heard on a lovely show about a grown man in a purple dinosaur costume who loved little children. Unfortunately, the other Titans heard and their brains began oozing out of their ears.

"AAAH! STARFIRE! STOP! YOU'RE KILLING US!" Robin shouted while gripping his head in pure agony.

Starfire continued singing and even started hugging her friends with just a _bit_ too much enthusiasm. Beast Boy morphed into a T-Rex and ate her. The other Titans sighed in relief.

"Thanks BB," Cyborg said gratefully to his friend.

"No problem! At least now I can have Silkie back. He was my pet in the first place but Star kept him as her own!" Beast Boy continued to rant as everyone else left the room, ignoring him completely.

Two hours later, Silkie came into the room to find Beast Boy yelling at a toaster.

"It's true! The pudding was in the sock when I put it next to the weights but when I came back from the vet it was all gone! It was her fault! I'm sure it was!"

Silkie shook his head and left the room. He wanted to see if Raven still had that cheese puff stash hidden under Malchior's prison. Those were some damn good cheese puffs.

That night, Beast Boy didn't feel too good.

"I don't feel too good," he groaned as he held his stomach. "Oh man, I think I'm gonna hurl!"

He bolted to the bathroom and Raven winced as she heard him retching into the toilet. When they went in to check on him they found a rainbow in the toilet.

"Wow. His puke is… kinda pretty," Robin noted in a fascinated tone of voice.

"Well, that's what happens when you're unable to digest such a colorful alien being properly," Raven stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Same as the food poisoning you got in France when we ate escargot after we squished the Brotherhood of Evil like they were wimpy little butterflies."

"…"

"What?"

"I told you to never bring that up again."

"Too bad, so sad."

"What?"

"AAAH! DUDES, MY PUKE IS BUBBLING!" Beast Boy shrieked in fear as he jumped up onto Cyborg's shoulders.

They looked back to the toilet. He was right. It was strange, seeing rainbow colored puked bubbling as if it were coming to life and creating some kind of hideous monster. Oh wait, it was.

"Regurgitated aliens turn into sludge monsters? Weird," Cyborg muttered to himself as he watched the scene transpiring before him. "I'm outta here. See ya later, guys."

And with that, Cyborg threw Beast Boy off his shoulders and ran to the T-car, which he drove all the way to New Mexico.

"Great. So, it's just you, me and Beast Boy against an alien vomit creature," Raven said sarcastically to Robin. When he didn't retort she looked back to see him being eaten by the vomit monster that had now overflowed the toilet and was multiplying. "Ew."

"RAVEN, MAKE IT GO BOOM LIKE PLASMUS!" Beast Boy shouted to her as he hid behind her cloak.

"Make it go boom? Good idea!"

Raven then made the puke monster go boom.

"Gross, I'm covered in my own barf!" Beast Boy complained loudly.

"Whatever. I'm going to take a shower," Raven said as she walked away.

So, in conclusion, Cyborg got a job at a mini mart in New Mexico, Robin was eaten by a vomit monster that was once Starfire, Beast Boy no longer had stomach pains, and Raven and Beast Boy both wreaked of animal vomit for a week. Oh, and Silkie gained 20 pounds from all the cheese puffs he ate.

**THE END**

**Uh… whatever.**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!  
**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	5. DRUNK DRIVING IS BAAAD!

**A/N: I find drunkenness funny. Don't you?**

**Disclaimer: Fuck it. I hate these things. This is the last disclaimer I'm putting on this… story? I don't think it can really be called that, but whatever. It's too depressing…**

Cyborg was drunk. Very, very, _very _drunk. And, he was driving. Badness.

"Weee! I like being drunk! This is _fun_!" he slurred.

Cyborg crashed into a pole.

"Haha! I crashed into a pole!"

He backed out and rammed a police car. The police got pissed at him because his coffee spilled and began to burn his groin. Ouchie. He turned on the pretty, flashing lights on top of his car and began to chase Cyborg down the streets.

"You'll never catch me, coppers!" Cyborg yelled. He then began laughing and drove off a bridge.

"Oh, crap. What now?" the cop with scalding coffee and second-degree burns asked the cop sitting next to him.

"I dunno. Wanna go get some french-fries and feed the to a squirrel?"

"Sounds good! Let's get outta here!" the first policeman said as he drove straight to the first McDonald's he could find. Unknown to them, Cyborg was still alive! OMG, NO WAY!!!

YES WAY, I SAY!!! (Oooh, now I sound like Dr. Seuss! Best author EVER!!!)

Anyways, Cyborg had turned on some fancy anti-gravity thingy he had installed two months ago just so he could drive off bridges.

"I'm flying! Woohoo! Take THAT Raven! And you, too, Starfire! AND BB! I can flyyy!" he shouted. He then proceeded to do a series of intricate flips and loops in midair in his fancy-schmancy car.

"I love you baby. My beautiful T-car…" he managed to mumble before passing out. As soon as he fell into unconsciousness, Cyborg's precious "baby" began to fall out of the air and crashed into Titans Tower. The other Titans all jumped up from whatever they were wasting their time doing to see a smashed up car sitting in the living room.

"Oh no! We have to help!" Raven gasped as she ripped Cyborg out of the car and threw him out the window. She took the T-car down to the garage and began to work on it. The others shrugged and went back to wasting their time.

The next day, Cyborg woke up on the beach.

"Ugh, I hate hangovers," he groaned as he gripped his head in his hands. "I want my mommy!"

"Too bad! She died in a car crash!" Robin said as he chuckled maniacally.

"Dang it. She made the best chicken soup!" Cyborg muttered disappointedly.

"Aren't you sad she's dead?" Beast Boy asked curiously.

"Naw, the woman was way too naggy for her own good," the tin man said to the green bean.

"Oh, ok!" the green bean replied with a smile on his face.

"Good. Now, go and get me a cookie," Robin said in a demanding voice.

"Yes, master," Beast Boy replied as if he were hypnotized and stiffly walked to the kitchen to retrieve the wondrous cookie.

"Well, I'm gonna go get drunk, again. See ya'll tomorrow!" Cyborg excused himself and went to the nearest bar in his flying car. (DR. SEUSS MOMENT!!!)

And the cycle repeated.

And repeated.

And repeated.

Until, Cyborg was arrested two weeks later for drunk driving. No one bailed him out of jail.

**THE END**

**Um… yeah. Don't ask.**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	6. DRUGS ARE BAAAD!

**A/N: You guys missed Starfire? Well, here's what she was doing during DRUNK DRIVING IS BAAAD!**

It was the middle of the day. They were in a dark alley. But, not as dark as it would be if it was night. Because it was the middle of the day. So, yeah. Oh, and _they _are two people. And, they are both redheads. Except, one looks like a flaming carrot and the other is just a carrot top. So, yeah. They just so happened to be arguing.

"GIVE ME BACK MY DRUGS!" shouted the flaming carrot.

"NO! THEY'RE MINE NOW!" yelled the carrot top.

"GRRRR!" growled the flaming carrot.

"BACK OFF!" cried the carrot top.

"NOOOO! I NEED THOSE DRUUUUGS!" screeched the flaming carrot.

"MIIIINE!" hissed the carrot top. He was then tackled and beaten to a miserable, bloody pulp and left to die in the alley. The flaming carrot flew through the air, drugs in hand over to another, darker, less populated alley wear she then began shooting heroin.

"Hahaha… weee…. fuuuun…" the flaming carrot mumbled in a daze. She stood there for three days repeating the same things over and over again on a perpetual high because the drugs affected her differently than normal people. Because she's an ALIEN! EEEK!!! ALIEN INVASION!!! WE WILL ALL _DIE_!!!!!!

No, we won't. Because the only alien on our planet is a druggie. She wouldn't kill the people who made her life worth living. With their DRUGS!!!

When she finally returned home, she discovered part of it had been destroyed by a drunken friend.

"Hello, friends! I have returned," she said cheerfully. The other three people in the room she had entered all grunted in response.

"Did you bring the drugs, Starfire?" asked the dark, broody, colorful leader.

"Oh, no, I was unable to acquire them from friend Speedy!" she lied convincingly.

"That's too bad. Oh, did you know he was beaten to death?" mentioned the dreary, emo cheerleader.

"He was? Oh, how terrible! Now how will we get our source of awesome power/kick ass ninja skills?" asked the _supposedly _concerned flaming carrot.

"Don't know. Guess we could beat up some drug dealers, send 'em to jail, and keep the drugs for ourselves," said the smelly, green boy in the corner.

"Fantastic idea, Beast Boy! TITANS, GO!" ordered the dark, broody, colorful leader.

"Should we not wait for friend Cyborg?" asked the flaming carrot.

"No, he's getting drunk right now," replied the dreary, emo cheerleader.

"Oh, alright. Let us go now!" said the flaming carrot.

So, they left.

They beat up a drug dealer.

They kept his drugs.

They sent him to jail.

They went home.

They got high.

They overdosed.

They died.

**THE END**

**Yep. You guys wanted to know what happened with Star? There you go!**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	7. Krazy Kitten Krap

**A/N: I have no excuse for this one. Sleep deprivation? No. I've lived with that just fine for years. Boredom? Used that one too many times. This is just what happens in my brain sometimes.**

**I think I'm gonna start leaving notes to reviewers. Not sure why. Just feel like it.**

**Amethyst Turtle- ****Well... I have to admit that as I read your flame about how I sucked at life I was sitting around in my old pajamas with my hair put up into a ratty bun and eating a carton of half melted ice cream leftovers my mom brought me from Cold Stone. If that doesn't scream LOSER, then I don't know what does.**

**In the dark. Follow the Son.- I know! Doesn't it just feel great to take out your frustrations out on some hopeless dweeb who needs a life? Haha, that's sorta why I started this whole thing. I wanted to quench my thirst for flames and let people relieve themselves of stress all at the same time.**

**Elihu- Cool. I didn't know that single awful story could do all that.**

**MaidenOfTheMoonlight17- I'm glad I am such a disappointment to you :)**

**Well, that was kinda nice. Maybe I'll keep this up. Or maybe not. Whatever.**

**ON WITH THE AWFULNESS!**

Onceupon a time, there was a girl named Kitten Moth. Kitten was a strange girl. She was very clingy, very slutty, and VERY crazy. But, the boys at her school liked her anyway. But, she didn't like REGULAR boys. Kitten liked SUPER POWERED boys or boys with NINJA SKILLS. So those were the boys she tried to attract. Unfortunately for her, very few of those boys fell under her charms due to the fact that they had an IQ over 4. So, she tried threats. Those seemed to work.

"_Go out with me if you ever wanna see your trashy little city again!"_

"_Okay, just don't hurt anyone!"_

Then, she got lots of dates! She convinced heroes to date her with threats of destroying a city or killing a person or two, which just so happened to make her seem attractive to super villains. Kitten liked being attractive. And she didn't like competition. So, whenever she got a new boyfriend she wore lots of revealing, sparkly, pink clothing and smiled a lot. And she was mean. She was very mean to any girl that came across her path. Sometimes even boys. Kitten didn't know she was clingy.

"_Stay away from my boyfriend if you know what's good for you!"_

"_Whatever, I just wanted to use the bathroom!"_

But, sometimes she was caught. And so was her daddy. And whatever boyfriend she had at the moment. That's when the crazy really showed.

She would smile.

She would use terms of endearment.

She would scream.

She would threaten.

She would fight.

And she would promise.

She promised escape.

She promised revenge.

She promised death with a loony little look in her eyes. And people were scared. Because Kitten was very clingy, very slutty, and VERY crazy.

"_I'LL GET YOU! I'LL GET YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"_

"_Get her out of here!"_

Poor Kitten. She doesn't know just how crazy she is.

**THE END**

**Just leave a flame before you leave.**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	8. Philip the Elf

A/N: Yay, lots of flames! That put me in a good mood. Too bad that that good mood was ruined by school starting in 5 days :'( Whatever, I'm over that, for now.

**rambo103.7: I didn't even bother trying to understand what you were writing. But, it reminded me of Lemony Snicket and he's one of my favorite authors :) So, I thought your flame was just radiating coolness.**

**cheetahluv16: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!! I had **_**completely**_** forgotten too change the rating!!!! I had been wondering what I had forgotten!!!! If you hadn't reminded me about that I probably wouldn't have gotten around to it for a while, so thanks again!**

**Akari-Kari-San: Awesome :) But, no threats? I've gotten pretty used to death threats and stuff like that so… yeah.**

**Prinzzez Kitten: Why, thank you for all the wonderful hatred. It makes me happy. So I can make other people (such as yourself) miserable :) Haha, just kidding. Sorta.**

**On with the torture!**

"ROLLERCOASTER! COTTON CANDY! STUFFED ANIMALS! RIP-OFF ARTIST! PUKE!" Beast Boy shouted the names of everything he saw as he wandered around the carnival he had stumbled upon. Literally. He had just been walking around aimlessly when he tripped in front of a giant sign saying CARNIVAL. So, he walked in. And started shouting.

"SHUT UP, GREEN BEAN!" a passerby yelled.

"I'M NOT A BREAAN BEAN! THIS IS A GREEN BEAN!" Beast Boy retorted as he pulled a green bean out of his back pocket. He then proceeded to eat it. "Oooh, yummy."

"Ew," said another passerby. "Veggies are yucky."

"BUT, GOOD FOR YOUR COLON!" Beast Boy shouted. Again.

"Why are you shouting?" the veggie-hater asked. Beast Boy turned into a big gorilla and threw the veggie-hater at the Ferris wheel where she was slowly crushed to death by the sluggishly moving machinery. He then changed to an ELF and walked away eating his green bean.

"Ho, ho, ho! There you are Philip! We've been wondering where you were!" a jolly voice bellowed. Beast Boy turned around to see a very obese man with a beard wearing a bright red coat and black boots.

"Nick? Where have you been buddy?" the little green fellow asked the large pink fellow.

"Looking for you, of course! We got worried when you didn't come back for your autumn shift back at the plant," said the fat guy.

"Oh, well I got held up. Started this part time job as a super hero. Get this! They think I'm a _teenager_!" Beast Boy (aka _Philip_) said laughing. The fat guy started laughing with him. "Sorry, about not calling before, Santa. I just got side-tracked."

Santa laughed jollily. Is that a word? Whatever, it is now.

"Oh, that's alright, Philip. Just give us a warning next time you're going to be late for work by a few seasons."

Philip grinned.

"Okay, Santa! Oh, and call me Gar. It's short for Garfield."

"Like the fat cat?" Santa asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yep! That's what they think my name is," he whispered secretively.

"Ah, I understand," Nick (aka Santa) said back as he nodded. "So, are you coming back to the North Pole with me or do you want to stay?"

Now Beast Boy was faced with a dilemma. Go with Santa Claus and get paid a bunch of money for making a few toys and drinking hot chocolate for three months a year? Or, go back to a messy tower (and live with an emo half-demoness with daddy issues, an over emotional alien princess with a nutty sister, a half robot who liked cars, video games, and meat, and a boy wearing tight, brightly-colored spandex who was obsessed with tracking down an old man in a mask and kicked ass) and possibly kill himself by fighting dangerous bad guys with dangerous weapons? Tough choice…

"I'll go with you!" green bean, er, Beast Boy said with a psychotic smile on his face.

"Fabulous! I'll call Mrs. Claus and tell her to get your room ready!" Santa replied.

"Cool!"

So, Beast Boy was Philip again and lived happily in the North Pole with his wife and three children. For about a week. Then, he got divorced, lost his job at Santa's workshop, and became a chocoholic. He then died from a broken heart. So did the Teen Titans. Because their bestest buddy was gone FOREVER!!!! After six months without the Teen Titans, Jump City was overrun with criminals and mutated cockroaches and Slade was in charge and children were sold into slavery and nobody in the government or any other countries decided to help because they were all playing dodge ball at the 32nd International Government Dodge Ball Festival.

THE END

**All who hate me say "aye"!**

**(Several people saying "Aye!")**

**Impressive! I don't think Hitler had this many haters! Oh yeah, people hate me more than Hitler. Frikkin awesome.**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	9. Assassin For Hire

**A/N: I bought a Batman notebook today when I was back-to-school shopping. It's fucking awesome. Isn't my life just so exciting?**

**cheetahluv16- I was so hoping to get some hate mail for that Hitler crack but you're the only one who said anything! Anyway, I'm glad the story sucked so much!**

**Prinzzez Kitten- Dumbing it down? I really don't think stories can get any dumber, even with bad grammar… no more death threats? Too bad… but those threats are pretty good, too :)**

**Amethyst Turtle- WHAT??? NOOOO!!!! SANTA AND SLADE ARE NOT THE SAME!!!!! SANTA IS JUST TOO DAMN AWESOME!!!! Oh, shit. You might be right. YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS FOR ME!!!! WAAAA!!!!!!! But, dude, you had an IQ of 5???? Going on what I've been told, that's at least 5 times my IQ! Or, was it 7…**

**Akari-Kari-San- Sweet, fire! Fire is just so awesome… I've been told on several occasions that I'm a pyromaniac, haha.**

**Okay, moving on…**

A long, long time ago, in a land far, far away… actually, it was two weeks ago in Chicago… there was a young girl with long, black hair, a green kimono, a silly mask, and an assortment of weapons. She killed people. A lot of people. She was an assassin. People paid her to kill other people. It happened to be a very lucrative business.

Anyway, she was checking her business website to see if she had gotten any more hits from potential clients. She was very fond of her website. It was her baby, her pride and joy, and the only way she had been able to advertise her skills since that incident at the park with the fliers. Those cops hadn't stood a chance. Back to the website. For one, she loved the name:

It was so inconspicuous! No one would EVER figure out what the website was really about unless they knew the password, which was… password. Oh yeah, she was good. The format was awesome with all those pics she had added from jobs she had done. It looked just wicked enough so that you knew she was a good assassin but not so wicked that she seemed like a loon. Because she wasn't. A loon, I mean. Assassins aren't loons. For the most part. And she wasn't a loon. For the most part.

Well, she liked the website. That was how she got most of her assignments. And it was pretty cool to know that so many people all over the world read her blog. Oh, er, no, it wasn't a blog! What am I talking about, an assassin having a blog? It was just a public documentation of her everyday activities! Haha, I'm not just saying that because there's a pissed off assassin with long, black hair, a green kimono, a silly mask, and an assortment of weapons sitting next to me! Of course not! That's preposterous! Um… moving on…

On this particular day, two weeks ago in Chicago, the assassin was reading an email sent to her regarding a possible business opportunity. This email intrigued her. The target seemed to have no real significance. Just a stay at home mom who used to work as a manager at some fast food joint. The girl decided she would look into it, meet the client, check out the target, blah, blah, blah. She replied to the email saying she would arrive soon to discuss the terms and conditions and determine if she would accept the mission or not.

Which brings us to now. Now, she is sitting on a beanbag chair in a room full of stuffed animals and posters of pop stars and "sexy men". Well, that's what the client said. The client turned out to be a teenage girl who had gotten into an argument with her mother after she was banned from attending the "party of the year". Not what the assassin had been hoping for. But, the girl was offering a hefty amount for the death of her mother. She could stand to work for someone who annoyed the hell out of her, couldn't she? As the assassin continues to ponder about whether or not she should take the job, the possible client just keeps ranting about her mother and popping her bubblegum.

"I accept. I'll take the job," the young assassin says. "But, I need the money upfront."

"OMG!!! Thanks, Cheshire! Like, I seriously want this bitch outta here. She's just so stupid! I mean, if I don't get her out of the way, I'll, like, miss the party and I won't get to dance with Joey! Oh, so, like, here's the cash, just get the job done as soon as possible," the obnoxious girl goes on twirling her hair and telling the assassin incredibly pointless things after handing over a few bundles of cash.

The assassin, now known as _Cheshire_, tunes out the annoying girl and puts the money away in a secret pocket in the kimono (that she apparently never changes out of) and pulls out a dagger. After a quick inspection of the blade, Cheshire shoves the dagger into the girl's chest for a quick fatality. The assassin rolls her eyes at the scream and leaps out the window. The sooner that girl is out of this world, the better. Just so goddamn annoying…

**THE END**

**Oh, how awful. Now, I want you to tell about it. Did it make your eyes bleed? Have you smashed your computer in frustration? Are you going to track me down and inflict horrible pain upon me?**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	10. Hoedowns and Chili

**A/N: Wow, I haven't updated for a while. School started Wednesday and I'm already sick of it. So, I'm taking out my annoyance on all of you. (Insert maniacal cackling here)**

**Azreal- I'm sorry, but really, what is wrong with you? This is load of crap. A big, fat, stinky load of crap. So, why the hell did you compliment it? I mean, thanks, I'm flattered, but, as you know, I really wanted flames. Just remember that next time, okay? But, thanks anyway, lol.**

**In the dark. Follow the Son.- Sweeeet. An EPIC FAIL!!! I don't think I've gotten one of those before…**

**Prinzzez Kitten- I feed off of your delicious hatred. Such viciousness. Oh, I almost forgot… :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)**

**…**

**Tee-hee.**

**Amethyst Turtle- Yes. I totally wanna get stabbed. That's why I wrote this story. So someone would hunt me down and stab me. Thank you for shanking me.**

**Now, to make your eyes bleed grotesquely…**

There were people. A lot of people. And they were walking. There were a lot of people walking. They were walking to…uh… JIMMY JOE BOB'S 23rd ANNUAL HOEDOWN SLAMMA JAMMA BONANZA AND CHILI FESTIVAL!!!!! Yeah, yeah. That sounds good. So, all these people were walking to Jimmy Joe Bob's Hoedown Slamma Jamma Bonanza. Because it was Hanukah. Or Easter. Whichever you prefer. So, anyway there was this one dude in the crowd, right? Right.

And he was…

a robot.

Well, sorta. He was half-robot. But, who cares, right? So, the robot-dude was walking with the crowd of people to Jimmy Joe Bob's 23rd Annual Hoedown Slamma Jamma Bonanza and Chili Festival where they were gonna eat chili and dance like hillbillies. Not that being a hillbilly is a bad thing. Anyway, he was really excited because he liked chili. Like, a lot. He liked chili a lot.

So, he was waiting and waiting and getting really impatient because he couldn't reach the doors because the crowd was so big because so many people were going to Jimmy Joe Bob's 23rd Annual Hoedown Slamma Jamma Bonanza and Chili Festival because so many people liked chili and celebrating Hanukah… or Easter. Suddenly, the robot man just exploded. With anger. He exploded with anger. He didn't really explode.

"WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING Y'ALL SO DAMN LONG?!?!?! IT'S JUST CHILI AND DANCING, FOR PETE'S SAKE!!! WHO'S PETE ANYWAY, GODDAMNIT?!?!?!?!" he shouted. A random man about two feet away gave him an answer.

"My name is Pete."

"WELL, DAMN YOU PETE!!!!! NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU!!!!!! I JUST SAID FOR PETE'S SAKE AND NO ONE CARED!!!! DAAAAAAMMMMMMN YOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!" and with that, the robot-dude ate the man called Pete. "Ew. Pete tastes like foot."

Apparently, Pete tastes like foot. So, the robot-dude threw up the remains of Pete. They looked really, really yucky. No one bothered to clean up the mess. Finally, the robot-dude got to the doors. He cheered. So did everyone else.

"Yay, free chili!!!!!"

"Yay, no more cannibal!!!!!!"

Who can guess who said what? If you can guess right, you get to shoot me with a bazooka! Fun!!! SOOOO, robot-dude went over to the server in the corner.

"Gimme an extra-large-super-duper-giganto-big-huge-really-enormous tub o' chili!" he said with a big grin on his face. It was kinda creepy. The grin, I mean.

"Of course, kind sir. I will get it to you immediately," the server man said in a fancy British accent. As the British guy walked away another, younger, whinier, broodier voice started to yell and nag and babble.

"CYBORG!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!?!?! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TEACHING BLIND, FINGERLESS ORPHANS HOW TO MAKE CLAM CHOWDER!!!!! BLAH, BLAH, BLOOBER, GLOP, BLAH, BLEEP, CHIMPANZEE, BLAH, BLAH!!!!!"

Robot-dude turned around as his big grin hopped off his face. Like a frightened bunny. He turned around as his big grin hopped off his face like a frightened bunny. Yeah. It was replaced by a big, fat grimace. In front of him was a young boy in too tight, brightly colored spandex tights. It was one of the boys he lived with. And, dear Georgia, that boy was always looking for a fight. Or someone to boss around.

"I'm getting some chili and a good hoedown! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, PIPSQUEAK?!?!?!?!?!?! CUZ IF YOU DO, WE CAN TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!!!!! AND I CAN KICK YOU SCRAWNY ASS ALL THE WAY FROM HERE TO RUSSIA AND BACK!!!!! NOW, LET ME EAT MY CHILI IN PEACE, WOMAN!!!!! OR BOY!!!! I'M NOT REALLY SURE!!!!!!!! Great, now you got me talking like a unicorn on the internet…" the robot-dude muttered/yelled. Just then, robot-dude's chili magically _poofed_ in front of him and floated for a second before he grabbed it and shoved a few gallons of it down his throat. "Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff. Yummmmmm…"

"The younger boy who he had been yelling at had melted into a quivering puddle of fear and was slowly making his/it's way to the door in hopes of making it out without being stepped in. Too bad I'm not in a very generous mood. He ended up on the shoes of a bunch of blind, fingerless orphans outside who were on their way to a cooking lesson where they would be taught how to make clam chowder. How lovely.

Back to robot-dude. He was doing a hillbilly jig with some toothless girl who he pulled of the streets. I think she had a bird in her hair. It might have been a dead rat. Whatever. Then, at random, and it was in no way planned or plotted, the music stopped, the lights turned off and the building blew up. But, robot-dude and toothless girl were alright because at random a mysterious, sparkly shield of _more_ magic had gone up around them. So they were safe. But, everyone else was dead. How sad. And that, my dears, is how Jimmy Joe Bob's 23rd Annual Hoedown Slamma Jamma Bonanza And Chili Festival ended that year. Soon afterwards, robot-dude and toothless girl ran away to Canada and opened a cheese factory.

**THE END**

**Hey, at least he got chili.**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	11. Tums are for Tummyaches

**A/N: So boooorrred… so, I deleted the **_**nice**_** anonymous reviews sent by crazy people who like this story. And then, I ate some potato wedges.**

**Prinzezz Kitten- Well, you can't give up now! Persevere! Keep the brain melting at bay! FLAME!!!! You MUST hate this story!**

**Rod Serling- You just cussed me out… cool!**

**Amethyst Turtle- SPAM!!! YAYZERZ!!!! I would absolutely LOVE to drown in a huge vat of chili. That would be so awesome.**

**Raziel's Messenger- Oh, thank goodness. I thought your brain had melted out of your ears or something. Just temporary insanity I see :)**

**Now, to make your brain melt out of your ears for real!**

Potato.

Potato good.

Potato _very_ good.

Good people eat good potato.

Teen Titans good people.

Teen Titans eat potato.

Good potato.

_Very_ good potato.

Teen Titans eat _very _good potato.

…

…

…

OR, SO IT SEEMS!!!!

The potato the Teen Titans ate last Friday wasn't a good potato. Well, it was if you're talking about how it tasted. But, it was part of the Bad Guys/Potatoes Organization. Meaning that it had a bad personality. And it was mean. And stuff.

So, yeah.

Now, the Teen Titans are having stomach pains.

"Oh, I have the stomach pains! But, much worse than the four of _you_. Because, Friends, I have nine stomachs. Therefore, I have nine stomachaches!!! You are all pansies! Grrr!!!" growled Starfire.

"Oh, poo on you, Starfire! Stop being such a whiny bitch and go get us some Tums!!!" ordered Robin as he kicked her through a window. He then crumbled into a heap on the ground and clutched his stomach, groaning the whole time. Which was about two hours. So, let's ignore him, shall we?

"Cyborg, I thought we told you to stop serving food with bad guys in them!" Raven shouted to the robot dude in the previous story as she prevented herself from mimicking the boy clad in green spandex tights.

"Well, technically, there wasn't a bad guy IN the potato. The potato WAS the bad guy. And, you never said anything about serving y'all a bad potato!!! So, there is absolutely no reason for ya to be mad at me!" Cyborg replied and stuck his tongue out at the younger girl.

"Oooh, but dude, we still are! Ugh, I hope Star gets back here quick…" the resident green kid trailed off as he started to fantasize about the relief a few bottles of Tums would bring him. Too bad. That's not the way I work. So, out of the blue and completely randomly, the U.S. Air Force dropped a missile on the Tower at the same moment that the mysteriously revived Brotherhood of Evil torpedoed the Titans' island.

Everything went boom.

When Starfire came back, she was surprised to find a smoking chunk of rock and metal instead of the hi-tech tower sitting on a sandy beach-island-thingy that she had left not even two hours ago. Suddenly, a flash of green, yellow, and red snatched the four bottles of Tums she had brought from the store. Robin then proceeded to eat about half the tablets in one bottle. He sighed in relief as a small smile crept onto his face.

"Friend, what has happened?!" the alien asked as she searched frantically for her other friends.

"Oh. Same as always. The authoress killed them. Haven't you noticed how at least one person dies in every one of these stories she writes?" he replied, stating the obvious. Haha, I broke the fourth wall!!! I love that…

"Oh, yes! Now I understand! Let us go celebrate that we are not the ones to have perished!" Starfire exclaimed with a grin on her face.

"Yeah… about that…"

Robin pulled out a bazooka and shot the red head. She died. Cackling maniacally, he retrieved a bird-a-rang from his pocket and shoved it in his head.

THE ENDTee-hee! Has anyone else noticed all the death and despair in these oneshots?Does it make you hate me more?LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	12. Princess Gender Bender

**A/N: Two one-shots today. These ideas just kept buzzing in my head until I wrote them down.**

**SilverRedBlossom331- Thank you for the award! I… I don't know what to say! Well, I guess I should say thanks to all of my haters! I am so glad that I give so many people so much confidence! *Cries***

**In the dark. Follow the Son.- Haha, crap on a cracker? Nice one! I know, don't I just radiate lameness???**

**Prinzzez Kitten- Yay for inspiration!**

**chittychittybangbang16- That was PERFECT! Are you sure you're only a beginner?**

**fedup- Yeah, I suck, but everyone else? Not so sure (understatement of the year)… but thanks for hating me! :)**

**Amethyst Turtle- Oooh, brain damage! Well, I think it's a little late for THAT, don't you agree?**

**Ondjage- Well, it wasn't supposed to be rape, but if it makes you hate the story more, then sure! Oh, by the way, I really like your other X-Men: Evo fics :) Just saying…**

**I hope this makes you all proud! Er… nevermind. Just flame.**

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there lived a princess. A very pretty princess who liked to wear lots and lots of very sparkly pink gowns. That were also very poofy. But the princess was sad. She wanted to run away and join a circus and wear tight spandex all day. She also wanted to be a famous ninja. Too bad. She was a princess and she couldn't do anything about it.

"Oh, woe is me, Princess Robin of the kingdom of Gotham, for I cannot be a famous ninja or a circus freak!" she wailed on a daily basis at the top of her lungs from the castle. One day, someone decided to rescue her.

"I shall save you! For I am the Green One, Garfield of the kingdom of Jump!"

Suddenly, a purple and black dragon attacked him. He was eaten. Aw, poor green dude. Someone else decided to save the princess.

"I shall save you, my fairest Robin! For I am the Metal One, Sir Victor of the kingdom of… somewhere!" shouted a large man made of metal. Hence, the title of the Metal One. He was abducted by some aliens with a big magnet. Then, some of the princess' playmates arrived at the castle.

"Friend Robin! It is I, Princess Starfire of the kingdom of Tamaran!" yelled a very cheery, very orange princess. She elbowed her companion in the ribs.

"Ow, Star, you don't know your own strength. Ahem, and I, Princess Raven- or Rachel, whichever you prefer- from the kingdom of Azarath!" the considerably paler princess said.

"Oh, you're here! I was expecting you later. I was just watching some strangers sacrifice themselves in a fruitless quest to 'save' me! Isn't that just _ridiculous_? I love being a princess! I can't believe they fell for it! _Again_!" Princess Robin then fell into a fit of laughter. Her friends soon began to laugh with her.

"Oh, what gullible little peasants! I find it hilarious the way they never learn! What princess would want to join a circus? Or be a ninja?" laughed Starfire. Her head was then sliced by a katana. She didn't see it coming.

"Gasp! Who could have done such a thing?" cried Robin, clearly not seeing the third princess holding a bloody katana. Wanna guess what happens next?

If you guessed that Robin got her head sliced off, you're wrong. If you guessed that a giant monster made of radioactive, purple stuff that Raven/Rachel had hired chewed her up, then you're also wrong. If you guessed that she cried herself to a puddle of tears and was then stomped on by a giraffe, then you're right!

"Mr. Giraffe, please remove yourself from the remains of my puddle-friend. She may be dead, but I find that very disrespectful. Use a blow dryer. Then, you won't leave her gross tears everywhere," commanded Raven/Rachel. "Ugh this sucks. Now, I have to rule all three kingdoms. I know it goes against how a monarchy really works, but the stupid authoress says I have to be in charge of everything. Thanks a lot, Lou Lou! You just fucked up my life! YA HEAR THAT, LOU LOU??? I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS!!!"

Yes. I hear you perfectly. Or, I did. You blew out my eardrums.

"GOOD!!! YOU DESERVE IT!!!! I hate being a princess! And now I have to rule because you say so! Not. Fair."

I know. I just hope others hate me as much as you do.

"Oh, I bet they do! People love me! They won't be too happy when they hear that you just ruined my image!!!"

Hey, I love you, too! You were always one of my favorites.

"Yeah, well you have a funny way of showing it! YOU MADE ME A FUCKING PRINCESS!!! AND A MURDERER, TO BOOT!!!"

Yeah… sorry… you know what, I'll just end it here.

"HEY, WAIT!!! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!!! IF I EVER GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'LL-"

**THE END**

**So, hate me as much as Raven does!**

**Or, better yet, hate me more than Raven does!**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	13. PukeWorthy Parody

A/N: Okay, so this is probably the worst chapter yet. It's a FANFICTION parodying FANFICTIONS where characters discover FANFICTION.

**No flames for the previous chapter just yet, so let's get straight to the story! *Insert evil laughter here***

Beast Boy was bored. So, he went on the Internet. He found an interesting website about himself and his teammates. Well, sorta. There was a section dedicated to them and it was a website where people would write what they wanted to happen to the people they were writing about. He clicked on one of said stories-

_Beast Boy was bored. So, he went on the Internet. He found an interesting website about himself and his teammates. Well, sorta. There was a section dedicated to them and it was a website where people would write what they wanted to happen to the people they were writing about. He clicked on one of said stories-_

Beast Boy was bored. So, he went on the Internet. He found an interesting website about himself and his teammates. Well, sorta. There was a section dedicated to them and it was a website where people would write what they wanted to happen to the people they were writing about. He clicked on one of said stories-

_Beast Boy was bored. So, he went on the Internet. He found an interesting website about himself and his teammates. Well, sorta. There was a section dedicated to them and it was a website where people would write what they wanted to happen to the people they were writing about. He clicked on one of said stories-_

Beast Boy was bored. So, he went on the Internet. He found an interesting website about himself and his teammates. Well, sorta. There was a section dedicated to them and it was a website where people would write what they wanted to happen to the people they were writing about. He clicked on one of said stories-

_Beast Boy was bored. So, he went on the Internet. He found an interesting website about himself and his teammates. Well, sorta. There was a section dedicated to them and it was a website where people would write what they wanted to happen to the people they were writing about. He_ _clicked on one of said stories. Inside were several chapters full of lust and love and lemons and limes and all other sorts of words beginning in the letter "l". After a while, he closed the laptop he had been using and sat on the couch feeling awkward. Then, he jumped out the window and killed himself._

_The End!_

"Well, that was lame."

THE END

I'm not explaining what just happened. Figure it out on your own.

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	14. ScoobyDoo Leads to Suicide

A/N: Inspiration struck! Oh, this one was just too good to pass up.

**In the dark. Follow the Son.- My job is to make you hate me. Apparently, I'm wicked awesome at it! Oh, and THANK YOU for pointing out the spelling error. Spelling is basically the only thing partially acceptable about this story. I will get around to fixing that… eventually. You were correct in accusing me of laziness. I am a BUM!**

**dragonkaty1014- Not bad for a first-timer, not bad at all. Don't worry. Soon, you'll be an expert at flaming with the help of this string of nonsensical one-shots!**

**SilverRedBlossom331- Wow… I've read few flames that compare with this one. It was beautiful. It really exposed me for what I am. You, sane person, have very good sense. I applaud you.**

**a person- You get better with time, although, you seem to be catching on quickly :)**

**Prinzzez Kitten- Three words.**

**I.**

**Am.**

**Nuts.**

**Hellstarz- I should, shouldn't I?**

**huey61- Uh… thanks… I think…**

**Amethyst Turtle- Why yes, I would be honored if you would kill me. Me, such a lowly imbecile, dying at the hands of you, an incredibly talented comedy writer. It would be an absolute dream come true.**

**Things are not as they appear to be…**

It was a dark and stormy night. Robin was in the living room and getting extremely anxious and increasingly worried. He was watching his hero on the TV screen who was being chased by a very dangerous monster. Robin could barely stand to watch the chase.

"Run, Scooby! The monster is right behind you! RUN!!! HE'S GAINING UP!!!" the boy screamed as he saw an ice creature fly behind the brown, spotted dog. Scooby-Doo had been his mentor since he had been a young child. Robin had lived his life and solved mysteries the way that Scooby, Shaggy, and the rest of the gang did. He may have been raised by the Dark Knight, but this dog- no, this international_ hero_- had been a much better role model. "Scooby, get out!"

It was getting more and more intense. Robin barely registered the lightning flashing outside, for the monster was mere inches from reaching Scooby. He was getting closer, and closer, and closer _still_, when suddenly…

PEEEeeeew…

Everything went dark. Robin panicked.

"CYBORG!!! GET THE ELECTRICITY RUNNING, AGAIN!!! AND _QUICK_!!!"

He received no response. That's when he remembered.

"Oh, shit. That's right, everyone went to that new "Nightclub for Drunks" place… crap. How am I gonna find out what happens to Scooby?!" Robin said on the verge of hysterics. "Omigod, omigod, omigod! I have to fix this!!! WHERE IS THAT DAMN PICKAXE WHEN YOU NEED IT?!?!"

Spandex-boy then proceeded to tear up the Tower until he found it. Surprisingly, he found Silkie using it to chop some of his special imported celery. Robin dropkicked the adorable little larvae creature into the bay.

"I'M COMING SCOOBYYYYYY!!!!!!" he shouted as he bounded up the stairs. Since he had completely forgotten they had an elevator in his hysteria, was exhausted and panting by the time he reached the living room. "Oh. Well, that's just great."

He looked around to see that all the lights had turned back on and the episode of _Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? _that he had been so eager to watch was rolling through the end credits.

"NOOOO!!! SCOOBY, I MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!!!! LIFE IS MEANINGLESS TO ME, NOW!!!!"

He shoved the pickaxe in his temple. He died, obviously. When the other Titans returned about a week later, all wreaking of alcohol, pot, and happiness, they discovered the rotting carcass of their _former_ team leader. Cyborg sighed.

"He always did have a tendency for dramatics."

THE END

**Y'all know the drill. Get to it!**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	15. Farts, Sharks, and NOT A PEDO maybe

**A/N: Well, I got a request and I just couldn't refuse. It was too good, but of course I put my own evil spin on it. Bwahahaha!**

**Haligh-A-Lie: Hm, I really found this interesting because I said I wouldn't do pairings here. Well, I couldn't turn down this opportunity so I didn't use any pairings. Technically. And it bashes slash. Kinda. Ugh, whatever, just tell me that you hate it.**

**Amethyst Turtle: Oooh, anthrax, my favorite! I have some with my Lucky Charms every day at breakfast! Teehee, dunb bitch... clever :)**

**SilverRedBlossom331: Uh... I'm a chick. Oh, nobody cares, they just hate me. Moving on. I must tell you, your flames are extremely inspirational to me. They are so threatening, so insulting, and so well thought-out. I'm looking forward to your next flame :)**

**cheetahluv16- One of the best flames to date. I was smiling the whole time I read it! Pereverted thoughts... um... ew. But, funny nonetheless!**

**Now, if you want serious brain damage and internal bleeding, I suggest you read this story.**

"AAAAH! WHAT DO I DO?! HELP!!!"

"Shut up, Beast Boy. No one wants to hear you whine incessantly," said the local redheaded alien princess. Hm, I wonder who that could be?

"NO!!! _YOU _SHUT UP, STARFIRE!!!!!!! THIS IS HORRIBLE!!! IT'S A DISASTER, A CATASTROPHE, A HORRIBLE, AWFUL, BIG, BAD BOOBOO!!!!!!" said the small green guy with pointy ears. And, no, I'm not talking about Yoda. Hell, I've never even _seen _those movies. Back to the disaster/catastrophe/horrible, awful, big, bad booboo. "I never should have eaten those beans! As they say out in DA HOOD: beans, beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot! Well, GUESS WHAT, LADY!!! I GOTTA TOOT!!!!! AND _BAAAAAD_!!!!! SO, DON'T YOU _DARE_ TELL ME TO SHUT UP, GOT IT?!"

By now, the poor boy was panting, his face turning red. Well, not so much _red_ as a strange green-brown color. Because, really, your face can't really turn red when you're green. Well, maybe, but then you would look like a Christmas tree or something. So, take your pick: BB could look like an odd Christmas tree, or he could be turning an odd shade of greenish-brown.

"Sheesh, Friend Beast Boy, I was simply saying that you are obnoxious and we hate it when you complain, but if you are really that gassy, then why the hell are you still here? Go away, so we won't all choke and die! Someone dies every time around here and I don't want it to be me again!" shouted the (apparently pissed off) alien powerhouse. She shoved him out the window and he fell in the water. The blood gushing from his head after the fall attracted several sharks and they began to circle him.

"Holy crap. This isn't good," Beast Boy said. "Oh, wait! I know how to handle this!!!"

He began to jump up and down in the water, shouting random nonsense, and flapping his arms as if he were a hen that caught fire on the 4th of July because of a stray firecracker that ended up exploding in the chicken coop. Obviously, he thought this would help. It didn't.

"OW!!! HEY- OW- LET GO OF MY LEG!!!!"

As soon as he was free several minutes later, he swam to shore and poked the inside of a large gash on his leg. It caused him to spontaneously spasm.

"OOOH, THAT WAS COOL!!!" BB squealed with a large grin on his face. The effect was ruined, however, by a large cut on his forehead, a hole in his cheek, and several other wounds, all bleeding, some with sharks' teeth lodged inside. "Hey, I don't have to fart! YAAAY!"

Our young, green friend morphed into a horribly mutilated bird and flew across the bay to the city. Unfortunately, he spilled his yucky blood everywhere and someone threw a rock at him.

"Ouchie… haha, I think I'm blacking out," and he was right. Beast Boy collapsed on the ground and began drooling. Strangely enough, he started cackling insanely despite the fact that he was unconscious. When he came to, he found it was dark and all of his favorite vegetarian restaurants were closed for the night.

"Aw, too bad. I was hoping to get a bite to eat before I went home to clean up all the blood."

He sighed and turned around, only to be roundhouse kicked in the face. His neck snapped and he fell to the ground, again, but this time he was dead. Oops.

"That should teach you and your little teammates for thinking they are good enough to be with me. I can do _much _better. I don't need to seduce a minor to get some. Especially one of the boys. They are much too immature for my taste. I don't know why people are constantly insinuating that I have had romantic connections to them," said the masked figure that had killed Beast Boy. Unsurprisingly, it was Slade, the supposed pedophile of the cartoon series. Apparently, he enjoys talking to the dead bodies of people he has killed. What an interesting personality quirk, don't you think? "I've banged some pretty hot babes in my day. None of them men. At least, I hope… there was that fling I had in Jamaica… I'm not quite sure if that was a man or a woman... well, whatever. The point is, all of you have approached me at some point or another and I'm sick of it! I have standards, you know! So what if I'm trying to take over a city instead of setting my sights higher, that doesn't mean I'll just bang anything that walks! Especially, a kid, for goodness sake, I'm a terrorist, not a creeper!"

As he continued to rant, I got increasingly bored and decided to stop typing.

**THE END**

**Okay, people, you know the drill! Flames, hate mail, all that good stuff!**

**Oh, and I have a poll on my profile. It's about an AU story I started, but I'm not entirely sure I should post. Check it out and vote so I know what I should do!**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	16. A REAL Slash Bash

**A/N: Who missed me?**

**...**

**Yeah, that's what I thought.**

**OK, so I realize the slash bashing last chapter really sucked. So, I made a more obvious slash bash :D**

**Amethyst Turtle- You liar. You lied to everyone on FF. Only I have the lack of talent to write the shittiest story ever! But thanks for the death threats :D**

**Arcasylem Alexia- The key to a long review is this (well, for me): babbling. Just say whatever comes to mind, point out parts that you found very enjoyable, and try to be supportive in the best way you can. I usually give compliments because... well, I don't have the brains to find something wrong with a half decent story. Oh, and don't worry, you're not alone. I scare a lot of people. I like you already :)**

**Gui Zhang- Thanks, but this whole thing is just one major piece of shit. Every little story here sucks ass. That's why I write it. It wouldn't matter if I tried to make it good, it would still suck. I would very much appreciate it if you flamed instead of complimented. The flames are what keep me going :)**

**cheetahluv16- Haha, that's alright. I get what you mean, I hate it when people mess up your mind with all of their lewd jokes and whatnot. But, again, thank you for the fantastic flame :)**

**SilverRedBlossom331- Have I told you how much I adore reading your flames? They just make me giggle and feel the warm and fuzzies :)**

**-ForeverFlowering- Don't ask. Just flame :)**

**This one has FIGHTING!!! Maybe you will want to inflict this kinda pain on me :D**

Cyborg was bored. Bored, bored, bored.

"I'm bored. Bored, bored, bored," he said, deciding it was a good idea to just repeat whatever it is I say. "I've decided it's a good idea to just repeat whatever she just said."

Yes, Cyborg. We've established that already. Moving on… where were we? Ah, yes, now I remember. Cyborg was bored. Bored, bored, bored. Wait, I already said that… whatever. Suddenly, he snapped his fingers, a look of enlightenment on his face.

"I know what to do!"

He skipped off to his room and dove into his secret treasure chest of sparkly, magical wonders.

"I've found it!" the robot-human hybrid shouted. Cyborg jumped out and dramatically pulled a box out from behind his back. He began to open it slowly…

light shined through the crack…

a choir of angels could be heard somewhere in the distance…

Cyborg's eyes began to water with pure joy…

sparkles and pixies began to float out …

you're getting impatient…

you want this over with…

you wanna shoot me in the head…

"BAM!!!" Cyborg ripped the lid off of the box. "OH YEAH!!! MY TUTU!!!"

Cyborg pulled on the sparkly, pink tutu he once wore as a cuddly, adorable, vicious bear. He then pranced through the tower he had created and sang heavy metal songs. It was the perfect cure for his boredom.

Then, something weird happened. As usual. He was flying.

"Heeey, I'm flying! Weeee! I like this! It's kinda like swimming! But, swimming through the AIR!!!" he said in a voice reminiscent of an excited piglet. Yes, I know. I'm the only person on the planet who can make such an awesome character seem like a baboon on crack. Back to the story. Cyborg decided it would be fun to see if he could fly out the window nearest to him which, just by chance, happened to be on the seventh floor above many pointy, poison tipped shards of rock, glass, and other things that would hurt if they were to be shoved up your-

"AAAAAH, MOMMY HELP ME!!!!"

SPLAT!!!

Oh… uh oh… sorry, Cyborg. Someone had to die. And it's not my fault that there was some strange anti-gravity machine turned on in your basement that made you believe you could fly.

**THE E-**

Oh, hang on a second. Something weird is happening again. This story isn't over just yet. And you thought the torture was over :) Well, it looks like several male members of the Teen Titans were rushing over to Titans Tower. For what reason, I don't know. Well, I do, but I can't tell you. Yet.

"Cyborg! My love, why did you have to leave me??? We had barely begun our love affair and now you have perished! OH, the horror!!!" the boys all wailed, tears streaming down their faces. Well, this is an interesting development…

They all stopped their sobbing and looked around.

"LIAR!!!" they all shouted simultaneously. "Cyborg loved ME! We were meant to be together!"

Wow… Cyborg sure gets around…

Uh oh… things are getting out of hand…

Speedy gets a kick to the gut,

Jericho slaps Robin right across the face,

Bushido has a _mean _left hook,

well, _that's _gonna hurt like hell in the morning,

ouch, Beast Boy is down for the count,

Kid Flash gives one damn good atomic wedgie,

Hot Spot can't hold out much longer against Wildebeest,

Thunder is giving Aqualad a _very_ intense headache,

Gnarrk and Herald are duking it out in the corner,

And Lightning has just knocked out Más y Menos.

PLACE YOUR BETS ON WHO YOU THINK WILL WIN THE LOVE OF A DEAD CYBORG AND WE'LL SEE WHO'S RIGHT!

**THE END**

**FOR REAL THIS TIME**

**So, there you have it, people. A REAL slash bash.**

**Go check out the poll on my profile because I kinda need some help here and your opinions matter :) (Lots of smilies today, have you noticed? It's because I'm in a good mood. I'll tell you why later)**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	17. Kitten Returns

**A/N: Happy Halloween! Well, now that this is here, not so much lol :)**

**Gidrah29- Thanks, but I beg of you, take some tips from the other reviewers here and FLAME me. I know you can do it :)**

**cheetahluv16- Oooh, that sounds fun!**

**Amethyst Turtle- You know, I considered putting in Pantha but I thought too many people would agree. Oh, do you think you could train Gidrah29 how to flame?**

**Now, in the spirit of All Hallows Eve, let the story begin!**

"Bloop… bloop… bloop…"

"Gurgle, gurgle, gumdrops!"

"Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Lala, Po!"

"Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!"

"Eenie, meenie, miney, mo…"

"What the fuck are you losers doing?" Kitten decided to interrupt the Titans' playtime. With a cry of "catch the tiger by its toe," Beast Boy mauled her in the form of a hippopotamus. They're much more vicious than you would expect. Watch it on Animal Planet.

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! How wondrous! The monstrosity that was Kitten is now a shredded lump of flesh and bone and blood and hippopotamus saliva!" cackled Starfire. She was happy. She began skipping circles. Robin, in all of his gay hero glory, joined her with a sparkly, slightly creepy grin on his face.

"Yay for me! No more creepy stalker girl!" he chanted. It didn't rhyme, but he decided it made a pretty lil ditty. Haha, that rhymed! How ironic.

Raven snorted.

"It's about time. I hated her. Maybe my dad will get annoyed with her down in Hell and send her somewhere worse. Maybe she'll end up cleaning demon dung!"

"Raven, honey, come down here and clean up this demon dung!" came a booming voice out of nowhere.

"Damn, I thought she would get my chores…" the dark girl grumbled as she opened a portal to the underworld. She was immediately reprimanded by her father for cursing.

"Haha, Raven's in trouble! Tee-hee, haha, hoho, lol, rofl, hoohoo, heehee, lmao, HAHAFUCKINGHA!!!!"

A portal opened up in the ground with flames jumping out that formed hands, grabbed a still laughing Cyborg, and pulled him in.

So, after Cyborg was incinerated by the flames of Hell, Raven learned she was grounded for the rest of eternity, Beast Boy was still munching on the bloody pulp that used to be a really annoying chick that escaped from the psych ward at the hospital, and Starfire and Robin got into an argument after he bumped into her while they were skipping which ended with Robin's charred head at the bottom of Lake Erie and Starfire on the run from crazed fan girls, the coppers, and a ravenous squirrel named Marco Meringue.

**THE END**

**So, I'm gonna start brainstorming about how to continue the last chapter, but not enough people have voted on who they want to win Cyborg's love. And he will stay dead. Maybe. Just go to my profile and vote before I have to come up with it on my own lol :)**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	18. BOO!

**A/N: A very special chapter today...**

"BOO!"

"AAAH!"

Thump

"Really, BB? I sneak up on you and _that_ gives you a heart attack? Sheesh, what a pansy…"

Cyborg lightly kicked the dead changeling in the side, shook his head in disappointment, and walked to the nearest IHOP.

**THE END**

**Hahaha, don't you just hate me? Tell me now!**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**

**Lou Lou Kazoo**


	19. Poor Rae Rae

**A/N: I'm impressed with the flames left for the last chapter!**

**SilverRedBlossom331- Um… I'm speechless at the awesomeness of this flame. I pretty much summed it all up before, haha.**

**ActionFry- I like that. I really, really like that. Yes, please kill it. You would be doing everyone a huge favor.**

**Insinidy- Um… flames please… take a few lessons from Amethyst Turtle and SilverRedBlossom331. They are the best at this.**

**Amethyst Turtle- Oh, he says hello and that he saw what you did last night with that cactus. I have no clue what that means. Anyway, keep up the awesome flames and I want another chapter of Generic Exaggerations. Like, right now. Please.**

**Now, it's time for all of you to kill all of your brain cells…**

Cyborg was hopping. He liked hopping. It was what bunnies did. Cyborg liked bunnies. They were cute and fluffy and soft and cute and fun and cute and they has whiskers and paws and they were cute and they hopped and, and… uh… what were we talking about? Oh, yes! Cyborg!

He was hopping.

Raven was in the hospital because her brain blew up the other day. The doctor said that they think it was from some kind of intense annoyance. Probably something repetitive and distracting.

Cyborg was hopping.

He had been hopping for two days.

The phone rang. Cyborg hopped over to the phone.

"Hello?"

_"We are sorry to inform you that Raven Roth has died. Now, if you don't mind, we are all going to Rubio's for lunch and wanted to know if you could pick up her lifeless corpse. And her head."_

"Raven's dead? Oh, bummer… Melvin, Teether, and Timmy are gonna be pretty sad. Yeah, I'll be there in 10 minutes to get her. Bye and have a nice lunch!"

_"Thank you for your cooperation! The body will be lying on the front steps of the hospital, just so you know. Goodbye!"_

Cyborg hung up the phone.

Cyborg hopped to the window and whistled.

A cloud floated down from the heavens and Cyborg hopped on. It flew aaallllll the way to the hospital where Cyborg saw Raven's bloody, mangled corpse. He picked it up, threw it on the cloud, and started heading back to the tower. But first, he stopped by Rubio's. He wanted a burrito.

**THE END  
**

**I hope you have all had a very happy new year and I hope I ruined it and now you're pissed off at me.**

**LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!**


End file.
